Switters’ Blog

Wanted Dead Or Alive

Posted by dakeeper on December 26, 2006

Ok, I want the mofo who invented those twist ties they use on every fucking kids toy package, in addition to miles of tape, screws, and styrofoam. I have had enough. Every Christmas or Birthday I get stuck trying to open these things that are secured so well Houdini couldn’t get it open. This year I cut my finger trying to open on of my kids Star Wars figures and I lost it. Very ugly. I want to twist tie the neck of the bastard who ever decided this was a good idea.

I don’t want to hear it’s about theft-protection. Why does it take a half hour to open a toy while you have some over-anxious kid tugging at your arm. It’s bullshit. Then God forbid you didn’t buy $100 worth of batteries….and why the hell does every battery compartment have to be opened with a micro-screwdriver?

Hey, if the retail stores can’t stop every welfare-living loser from ripping them off, why must I pay top dollar for the toy and then get stressed out trying to open it?

As if that isn’t bad enough, why can’t they hire some slope $5 an hour to put some friggin’ stickers/ decals on the toy?



8 Responses to “Wanted Dead Or Alive”

  1. redatm said

    If you can get into one of those things in the store, they already aren’t doing their jobs, so I can’t see the point of these twist tie things either.

    I want Legos now.

  2. dakeeper said

    Legos are banned in my house. I have spent many hours assembling various structures and vehicles only to have them subsequently dismantled and destroyed, never to be made right again. It is now either one-piece construction or nothing, no exceptions….

    I swear though, I’d love to take the inventor of those ties and twist his nuts with them and then make him cut the tie off with a scissor- see how he likes it…

  3. Sexypenguin said

    I don’t live with my kids anymore and would give anything to spend hours with them building and untwisting anything! Watch what you ask for.

  4. dakeeper said

    Believe me, I love ’em, but when they’re pulling your arms and yelling at you to hurry up, those f-ing twist ties are your worst enemy.

  5. switters said

    # Sexypenguin Says:
    January 18th, 2007 at 11:50 am e

    I don’t live with my kids anymore and would give anything to spend hours with them building and untwisting anything! Watch what you ask for.

    Agreed. But wouldn’t you RATHER spend hours building and PLAYING with them with the toys they wanted rather than having them getting more and more frustrated watching you try to get the darned things out of the cardboard and plastic containers.

    I used to think that manufacturers don’t care about the consumer. I’ve concluded since that they actively hate us.

  6. dakeeper said

    Listen, they secure action figures better than the worst death-row cons. They even wrap the accessories. It’s nonsense. I actually lost it when I cut my finger with a pair of scissors trying to cut an especially stubborn twist tie. Very ugly scene.

  7. NEMO said

    I don’t know how old your kids are, Keeper…mine are getting older now and are thankfully not into the little toys that are superbly secured into those packages. I hated those twisties! Plus, they tape down the Barbie’s and Bratz doll’s hair…the poor dolls always wound up plucked or nearly decapitated when they finally made it our of the extreme packaging!

    For the record…I don’t miss those days! 😉

  8. dakeeper said

    No, they’re still young- I have a long way to go before I’m done with twist ties, styrofoam and battery compartment screws.

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